One of the hardest things about being an indie filmmaker, apart from making films for little to no money, is the bits when you're not filming.
My first couple of shifts back at the cinema this last week have been dotted with delightful little moments, like someone I hadn't seen for a couple years coming in and saying, 'Oh, still shuffling popcorn eh?' When I cheerfully nodded they asked what I'd been up to, and I told them I'd been making a feature film and a web series, to which they replied, 'Oh, you're still making that film?'
Now, I didn't have the energy to say, 'Actually that film was 2 years ago, and since then we've made a cult web series with the most awesome fans and I've just spent the last year prepping and making a kick-ass professional feature film that comes out in January and hopefully will take us to the next level as filmmakers'. So I just said 'Nah, different one' and watched them walk away with their 2 kids in tow.
First of all, I get it. To non-filmmakers it may seem like I spend my life always filming filming filming and never having any money, working at the cinema and staying in the same place. But I know that there's a plan, a very slow trajectory that we're all hoping 2010 will see rise more steadily. Whereas some of the people I went to school with are getting married and having kids and company cars, that's what they want with their lives. I want to be a film director, and this is the first time in my life that I can say that I am, and I'm following the dream I've had from when I was 12. What I didn't realise is how hard it would be in its various ways, but also how rewarding and amazing.
And I keep having to remind myself, as I'm shuffling popcorn, of what we have ahead to look forward to: CrimeFighters theatrical release, Zomblog Season 3 and the movie. I just have to stay focused, and convince myself - and my mum - that it'll all be worth it one day.
So screw you, reality. This is me, this is what I'm here for, even though you may try to remind me of 'my place' from time to time.