My brain is working overtime picking up on a lot of my deep-seated anxieties and sensitivities recently. But instead of dwelling on them or turning them against myself, I'm finding them very inspirational for two short film scripts I'm writing.
Some of the things I'm dealing with have been:
- The meaning of love, and how friendships are different from relationships.
- Communicating a lot about what I'm doing via the Internet (like in this blog) but being frustrated by communication problems in my real life.
- Talking too much about things to someone.
- Not being able to talk about anything with someone else.
- Feeling a sense of accomplishment and purpose one minute, having really bad self-esteem the next.
- Wanting success but wanting to earn it, not beg for it.
- Seeing a kindred spirit in someone who simultaneously makes me feel like a failure.
- Being very wise, and yet also very childish, scared and stupid.
- Feeling a sense of hope for the future, then feeling scared and hopeless, as though things will never change.
- Missing someone who's far away, and being glad about someone else being very near.
- Fear of loneliness, fear of having to join in.
- Waves of joy, blinding terror.
That's about it. I think that's enough to be getting on with. Jesus...
I watched a very inspirational documentary about J K Rowling today. Inspiring because she made a complete mess of her life, suffered, struggled, and turned it all around. And boy, how she turned it all around. I find her journey, and George Lucas's, have many parallels, not least because they were turned down by many, many people before Harry Potter and Star Wars were accepted. And it was because they believed in themselves, and one day so did someone else.
Sometimes inspiration is a gentle and kindly friend, and sometimes it's a terrifying, burning enemy, and thank heaven for those opposing sides.